Do You have a Bad Coach? 14 Signs to Watch Out For & 14 Strategies to Help the Athlete Stay Resilient!

Does your son or daughter have a bad/negative high school or club volleyball coach? OR a bad coach in ANY sport? 

If the answer is yes, and if playing volleyball or another sport in college is the goal, this could be a big problem – both in the recruiting process AND in the players’ enjoyment of the sport they love. This article is written in the context of volleyball, but can apply to coaches in other sports also. Some players are difficult to coach. Not all players are great teammates and some have bad attitudes. Still, all players deserve to be treated with respect and if there is a problem with a player, good coaches communicate with them and work through problems as they arise.  

Before we go any further, let me say this: In my opinion, there are MANY good or great coaches out there. They are professionals who truly care about their players as individuals. No coach is perfect, but good coaches make a positive impact on their players (during this important time in their lives) and help them as much as they can during the recruiting process. My high school coach was one of them! Be grateful for them, don’t take them for granted, and let them know how much they are appreciated!  

BUT, on the flip side, there ARE negative, bad coaches out there. Different players respond differently to coaching styles, so by “bad” I mean it could result in a problematic and difficult situation for MOST players to deal with. 

How do you know if you have a bad coach? Watch out for these 14 signs:  

1. They have a fragile ego and can tend to be mean. They talk down to their players and are demeaning and patronizing in order to lift themselves up.
2. They talk A LOT about their volleyball careers and their past glory days. They need it to pump up their ego in front of the players to make themselves look better. 
3. They are “yellers” and they yell at their players instead of coaching them and correcting them on strategy and technique. They are angry a lot of the time, shouting things that players already know or have no actual value, like:
   • “Move your feet!”
   • “Keep it in!”
   • “What are you thinking?” 
   • “Don’t do that!!”
4. They play mind games. This can come in the form of physical punishment. For example, running an extreme amount of lines or 100s of sit-ups and pushups in one practice, which is hard on the players mentally and physically (making it difficult to maintain technique and perform the skills and corrections the coach is asking for). Or calling a player out in front of the team for small, unimportant things. Or playing favorites, joking around with some players and talking like they are friends and then barely talking to other players. Yelling at certain players when they let a ball drop or do a skill incorrectly and NOT yelling at other players (who are their favorites) that do the exact same thing. When coaches play these mind games, it can destroy a player and the entire team’s love of the game. 
5. They are moody and take out bad moods on their players, leaving them on edge because they never know what mood to expect.
6. They have no rhyme or reason to what they are doing. These coaches don’t run offensive or defensive systems, teach the skills of each position, teach the game of volleyball. They don’t set goals for the team or the individual players throughout the season. They don’t explain, to each player, the individual role they have on the team. They don’t have a plan, and they don’t explain why they do what they do. Bad coaches just yell or say nothing and expect the players to read their minds and know what they are doing wrong. 
7. They stop coaching players who ask too many questions or who they don’t like. When a coach stops coaching you, it’s not a good sign. It could mean they don’t like you or they think you’re not coachable. Bad coaches leave it there because it’s too hard and they don’t want to deal with you; good coaches communicate, they try to solve this problem and develop every player on the team because it’s their job, even if it’s hard. 
8. They don’t have open communication with parents. They try to avoid engaging with their team’s parents and don’t communicate unless they have to, for logistics or some other reason. They don’t work to create a positive parent/team culture. 
9. They lack professionalism. It’s not necessary for players to know about their coach’s personal plans, finances, relationships, and family issues. 
10. They are unprepared and fake it, like they know what they are doing, but they are really just winging it. 
11. They don’t respond via email, text, or in person when you ask them questions about recruiting or ask them for insight, advice, or help with something. 
12. They don’t consider your recruiting process and your goals as important. You shouldn’t ask for playing time or to play a certain position specifically for recruiting, but if you communicate what your goals are concerning your role on the team and how you can reach them and the coach shuts you out, this isn’t good. 
13. They don’t get excited for you when you tell them you are talking to certain college coaches in the process, and they don’t offer to help.
14. They play favorites. This is part of the mind games and is so damaging to ALL of the players on the team, even those who ARE the favorites (because sometimes they feel bad about it). This creates animosity and a lack of cohesion among the players. Playing favorites isn’t always tied to skill level and playing time; coaches can just like certain players more because they get along and their personalities mesh. Just because some players are more socially skilled and can easily talk with a coach, doesn’t mean other shy or socially awkward players don’t deserve to be treated well and coached to become better. Good coaches spend time coaching and getting to know ALL of their players.  

I think you get the picture that a bad coach is a nightmare, not only for your recruiting process, but in general! If a coach does all 14 of these things, I don’t think they would be coaching – at least, I hope not! But bad coaches do a handful of these things, which is still not good. As a parent, you might feel trapped because you are the customer paying for your athlete to play volleyball and your player has this coach! You realize club volleyball is a primary way your player gets recruited, so you don’t know what to do! 

Don’t worry!…It’s still possible to have a successful recruiting process and season! If you are the parent reading this, please share this article and these strategies below with your player! 

14 strategies to help THE ATHLETE build resilience in this difficult situation:

1. Control the controllables. It’s not about what happens to you, but how you react to it. You’ve heard these sayings, and they are SO true. You have no power or control over your coach or your teammates. You cannot control another person. You can only control you and what goes on in your mind and your actions AND reactions. You HAVE to find the positives in your situation. Make a list of ANYTHING (no matter how small) you can think of concerning your team, coaches, parents, facility, club, location, your improvement – anything positive, write it down. 
2. Figure out if you can trust your coach with your recruiting process information. What is your gut feeling? When you have a bad coach who you don’t trust, I would suggest not talking to them about your recruiting process. You need them to keep your process private and also to be sure they would speak positively about you to a college coach. If you aren’t sure, seek out another coach at your club that you know and trust who has coached you in the past and/or the club recruiting coordinator (if you have one). That should be the person you keep in the loop about your recruiting process and who talks to college coaches about you, if needed. 
3. Accept your situation and shift your mental focus. As I said, you can’t change your coach, but you can accept them for who they are and shift your focus onto other things. Focus on your teammates and yourself and the list of positives you made. Remind yourself of these every day! 
4. Get as good as you possibly can in a positive uplifting environment outside of practice. Take private lessons from a coach you like who corrects your technique, makes you better, and is positive; this will build you up and help your confidence when you’re back with your coach. Also, lift weights at a gym or in an environment that you enjoy. Work with a trainer you like who is uplifting and will help you get stronger, faster, and more powerful as you prepare for college volleyball. 
5. Try to talk to your coach, if you think it could make things better. This will not be a discussion about playing time. Think beforehand about WHY you want to talk to the coach and WHAT you want the outcome to be. If it’s about coaching style or drills that are being run or things you want to improve on, keep it positive. Mention examples of where you see a problem, and offer tangible solutions to improve them. Present them in a respectful way, and see how your coach reacts. If they are angry, unwilling to listen, and turn it back on you, then ask calmly what they think would help.
6. If you have an assistant coach you like and respect, try to connect with that coach. Your assistant coach can be the one who talks to college coaches when needed, if you think it would be good, professional, and positive. In practice and matches, they can be your saving grace and lighten the mood when the “bad” head coach is going off. 
7. Take it one drill at a time in practice. Think of practice in chunks by the drill or drill types and mentally work through each drill. Or think of practice in groups of time – 12 chunks of 10 minutes to mentally work through, for example. 
8. If you’re not one of the “favorites” don’t take it personally. It’s not about you, you are good and you will be OK. Be the best teammate you can be. Try to make some friends on your team and support each other. Be kind (even to those that are the favorites) because they are most likely having a hard time also, just in a different way.
9. Take care of yourself. Be positive and encouraging by talking to yourself like you would to a best friend. Meditate, eat well, sleep 8+ hours a night and have fun outside of volleyball. 
10. Don’t LET the bad coach affect your love of the game. Hold on to your dream of playing volleyball in college, and think of volleyball as the sport you love. Keep bad coaches separate in your mind and don’t attach them to the actual sport of volleyball. Think about your teammates and find your joy and bonding through them, even when the coach is making playing difficult. 
11. If you or your parents need to vent, do it with others OUTSIDE of volleyball. This can include friends who are not involved or relatives who care about you and will listen. Be careful about venting with your team and other parents. Although they understand the situation, I think this is a bad idea because it can make matters worse!
12. During the recruiting process, pay attention to coaching styles on the bench when you’re watching college matches of schools you are interested in (online or in-person). Talk to players on recruiting visits about the coaching philosophies and coaching styles, and pay attention to their responses. Don’t complain about your current coach to college coaches or players! If you can talk to former players of a coach you could potentially play for, that’s usually a good source of information.
13. Be a “selective” sponge and soak in everything your coach says that can POSSIBLY make you a better player. As for the other stuff, let it go! There are many coaches that know a lot about the game of volleyball and are really good at coaching technique, but are not good communicators or are belittling and mean. Look past the delivery and use them for their knowledge, then move on to your next coach! 
14. Understand that each club volleyball season is a “lifetime.” In club volleyball, no team’s roster is exactly the same year to year. Sometimes there is a core group that moves on together, but by 16’s the players who aren’t growing taller or improving start to drop off, if they decide not to pursue playing in college. Other players that have always been good and keep improving, in addition to the late bloomers who are still growing and developing — all start to shine and move up in level of play. You have to look at the big picture and push through the “lifetime” of a club season with a bad coach, knowing it isn’t forever. It’s not four years of college with a bad coach (which you REALLY want to avoid), so stay positive and make sure you are developing as a player during this time. Figure out your weaknesses and work really hard to improve them, so your recruiting process and your next season will be better. 

I hope these strategies help you and your athlete. Remember, mindset is a big part of working through having a bad coach. Also, keep in mind that you can decide when and if there is a time to talk to your club director or high school athletic director, if lines are crossed that warrant a conversation. When problems arise, follow your club or high school policies for lines of communication. 

The number one priority is the athlete’s safety. I want to make you aware of the U.S. Center for SafeSport “Preventing and Addressing Abuse”, and its policies and procedures for protecting minor athletes in all sports. For volleyball, any coach that is a USAV member (which includes all club coaches) has to be SafeSport certified and falls under their jurisdiction and rules. SafeSport provides anonymous reporting channels through their website. 

I hope this article helps you and your athlete! Be proactive to maintain the love of your sport and find the perfect fit for you (no matter what cards you’re dealt) on your way to fulfilling your dream of playing in college!! As I always say, keep going, keep working, and keep emailing college coaches on your target list. Send them video and stay positive in the recruiting process. You can do it and you got this!